How Sommeliers Garden Vines (Tomatoes)

This is my fourth season at growing heirloom tomatoes. Growing things is all about trial and error. It is the scientific method, and it starts and ends with observation. There are hundreds of varieties in all sizes, shapes, and colors—just like grapes. There are many issues and pests that one will encounter through the course of the growing season—just like grapes. Before I start growing grapes, I must first master the art of growing tomatoes.

It all begins with this grand idea of viticulture, just like agriculture or perhaps horticulture, but with grapes. I think that I can start my own vineyard and winery and make it look like the finest of Bordeaux Chateaus. Seems pretty easy (1) plant grape vines, (2) harvest grapes, (3) ferment! Reality kicks in. The economics of the wine trade are strange and there is no guarantee with Mother Nature. Starting a winery at this point in my life is not the best idea.

Wine in the Midwest…

I recall a conversation in college about how the Midwest has a similar continental climate to Germany and that Alsatian varietals are perfectly suited for the Midwest. I had sort of gotten that England─New England thing, but this conversation really started to make me think about Old World─New World relationships. The Midwest is quite a large area, depending how one defines it, and Alsatian varietals do quite well in the loamy limestone like soils in Western Michigan.

Wine in Illinois…

Now, grapes thrive between 30 and 50 degrees latitude, and theoretically, great wine can be made anywhere. But, it would probably take a savvy vigneron about a decade of trial and error before they could produce wine of world class quality. There are some emerging wineries in the Galena corridor—I suppose there are some interesting alluvial soil deposits from the mighty Mississippi and glacial character. The first big problem I see with grape growing in Illinois is that the land is mostly flat and absent of character. There is this thick black layer of top soil that is rich in nutrients—Yes, this is correct—The soil is too nutrient rich for grapes. Good for growing corn, but not grapes. Growing grapes is very counter-intuitive. You want soil that is not too fertile and you don’t want too much water. You want the grapes to struggle.

Grapes grow on vines and so do tomatoes! Here is how I grow them.

Step 1—Procure Heirloom Tomato Seeds. I got mine from http://www.tomatofest.com./ You will want a nice variety from cherry size to large beefsteak and a multitude of different colors and flavor profiles. Procure some short season and long season varieties. Do this at Christmas time. Each year I get more ambitious. The first season I obtained about 8 varietals and started 100 plants. This season I procured about thirty and started about 400 plants.

Step 2—Sow indoors in early March in accordance with the lunar cycle. (More on Biodynamics Later) I have a setup with 48” fluorescent tube lighting. You do not need to invest in all those fancy expensive grow lights. They may work better, but they are expensive. I purchased several shop lights from Menards and they have worked well every year. I start them in Biodegradable Jiffy Pots that you can get at any home/garden center. I fill each pot with potting soil with about 3 seeds and water. They will start popping up in about 7-10 days. I put them under the lights for about 16-18 hours a day and water every third day. About two weeks before the last frost I bring them outside to start adapting to the outdoors. (May 1) If you forgot to sow seeds this year and don’t want to wait till next year, it is okay to go to the garden center and buy them, preferably from an organic source. I have done this before I figured out how to sow them myself.

Step 3—Plant in ground after last frost. Make sure that they are at least 18” from one another. This is where I will have to stop because they just went into the ground this past week.  The "kids" are all in their new home in the SugarToad Garden.

Pest Control, Pruning, Trellising, Tomato Wine Pairings, and Harvesting to come.  Tomato Saga to be concluded with updates as season unfolds…

Questions a Sommelier is Asked with Great Regularity

What is a sommelier?

Essentially, the head wine steward. We study wine and all things wine. It derives from the middle French word sumnier (sumner?), which means the summit. The sommelier is in charge of the King’s most important processions, which in France, is wine. We assist with selecting wines for guests and, by some people’s standards, know way too much about fermentation.

How does one become a sommelier?

Work, work, work, and more hard work. Most sommeliers notice strange things that others don’t notice. For instance, the strange smells that occur as the seasons change. Become a first class notic-er. Next, get a job at a restaurant that sells wine. Finally, research constantly and ask a lot of questions. Grape Juice and Geography! Always taste! Then one may or may not gain the rank of sommelier. I strongly advise if you don’t want to work Saturday nights, please don’t become a Sommelier. I have had two Saturdays off in the last two years. One must also have a strong sense of humor.

You must have a difficult life—you do get to drink all day, right?

Yes, we are constantly tasting wine, but not all the time. Most accomplished sommeliers work similar hours to chefs. My bed time reading currently consists of 3 different books on the history of pinot noir, and that is just one grape. We spend about an hour behind the scenes for every hour that we are on the restaurant floor doing prep work, researching, training staff, ordering wine, cellaring wine, polishing glassware, etc. Every time l have invited an enthusiast to taste with me alongside an accomplished winemaker, they usually start getting bored and rolling their eyes when wine geekdom kicks in and we start talking about wind patterns, micro-climates, and soil. Tasting wine is mentally and physically exhausting.

This sommelier doesn’t sleep much. We don’t take vacations or call in sick. We respectfully decline wedding invitations. I’ll probably have to pass on those front row seats you offered me as a gift to see Bono at Wembley Stadium—airfare included. A college friend used to find it amusing to leave messages on my cell phone with offers like “I have 3rd row seats for the Cubs game” and “hey, you want to go see Ben Folds Five this Saturday.”

Sommeliers take sabbaticals, not vacations, to wine growing regions to visit vineyards and winemakers. We avoid wineries that see limo traffic. If one is going to tasting rooms to get drunk, one is going for the wrong reasons. Clarification needed—If one is chauffeured around in a limo because they have a fear of driving like Alfred Hitchcock, that is okay. My recent trip to Oregon netted me several hundred pages of notes that I am still sorting through and mason jars full of soils from the sub AVA’s of the Willamette Valley. As I opened my luggage from the bags I checked with Southwest from my return flight to Chicago Midway, I found notes saying my bags had been searched. I had placed the books I procured from Powell’s in Portland on Pacific Northwest Geology next to the soil samples. I wonder if the security guys figured it out?

What is your favorite wine?

Never answer a question with a question. This sommelier seems to have heard this response from many school teachers. My response to my favorite wine is a series of questions. Who am I with? What season is it? What am I eating? Who’s buying? If money is no object, I’ll be drinking Grand Cru White and Red Burgundy from my favorite Negociant Domaine Leroy, or perhaps a 1983 Chateau Margaux, and maybe Chave Ermitage. Sommeliers have expensive tastes. But, on our days off this sommelier usually drinks artisan spirits or craft beer that is local—Two Brothers and Goose Island are two great Chicago area Breweries. This sommelier’s favorite white varietal is sauvignon blanc and favourite red varietal is syrah. In the fall I might give a totally different answer since at the time of this entry we are approaching Spring.

What do you think of scores and critics?

Robert Parker who? Wine Dictator what? (Joke) Sommeliers are not critics, but are trained to objectively assess wine for quality and faults. One’s sweet is another’s dry. One’s definition of full bodied is another’s medium body. Some critic’s “style” is biased in one way or another. We are happy to support the enthusiasm that Robert Parker and the Wine Spectator generate to the general public. They help to educate and provide a great platform for the wine industry as a whole. I don’t care what score a wine may or may not get.

When interviewing clients we are trained to ascertain what styles they prefer and interpret their wine vernacular. We do constantly read reviews and research what is hot in the current marketplace. Good scores and reviews can drive the price of wines quickly. Sommeliers are constantly researching wines to be ahead of the critic curve and prefer to support the little guy.

Why don’t you start a winery?

I’ll start right now if you write me a check for $10 million. Take a leap of faith. Oh, and by the way, we won’t break even for ten years and that’s if we are lucky. Banks will always say that a restaurant is the worst investment one could possibly make. Well, making wine is worse. The economics of producing decent wine in Napa Valley: $100,000 an acre for good vineyard land—need at least 10 acres—$75,000 per acre to plant vines—the vines won’t yield any decent grapes for 4-5 years—the winemaking equipment is not cheap either—couple hundred grand there too—scratch my head—missing a few other items.